I have a notebook I keep by my bed. Sometimes when I’m lying in bed I get the urge to write. I pull out this notebook, turn on a light, and write whatever it is that comes to mind.

I have another notebook I keep in a bag I take almost everywhere with me. Anytime something pops into my head, I write it down. Sometimes I take the notebook out when I don’t have an idea, and I still end up writing stuff down. I’ve pulled this notebook out at work (mostly at lunch/break, but a couple times at my desk. Shhh…), in restaurants, on the bus.

Sometimes what I am writing is an idea for a poem or a story, or a character I might be able to create a story around. Or a world, a setting that can hold and help shape stories.

Sometimes what I write is just a bunch of random thoughts, some barely connected ideas. Bits and pieces of inspiration. Musings.

Sometimes I’m able to take what I wrote initially and add to it later, turn it into something else, a poem, a story, whatever. Other times whatever I wrote stays as just a bunch of random musings.

Not everything I write is written at midnight, but some of it might have been. Plus, “midnight musings” sounds a lot cooler than “whatever time of day it happens to be when I feel like writing musings”.

Musings aren’t part of my tagline, but I’d thought I might share some anyway. Just remember that when I wrote this stuff, I was most likely overtired and half awake, so judge lightly.

Here is what I wrote on August, 9th, 2010:

~

What is evil?

I think evil isn’t half of what people believe it is, but more than twice what they think it is.
or maybe vise versa. Or something.

Does evil exist? It does if we say it does.
But maybe not the way we think it does.

If evil exists, good exists.

Evil and Good exist.
God and Satan exist.

Is God Good and Satan Evil? Does it matter?

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, then Satan must have a lot of good intentions. Maybe he is just trying to save us all, and isn’t very good at it.

What is love?

What is the difference between love and lust?
Some people may think that love is God‘s gift to mankind, and lust is a base animal instinct.

But that is wrong.
Animal instinct is to procreate. Have babies.

Lust is greed. A version of pride, selfishness.

A person can lust after anything, not just sex. It may even turn into an obsession.

Some may think that an obsession is the opposite of a phobia. But I doubt it. I think they are close cousins. Maybe even siblings.

Pride
Gluttony
Greed
Anger
Hate

I can’t remember the 7 deadly sins. I even saw the movie!

I watched it in a college in VT.
I spent the night there, and hung out with a bunch of movie buffs.
We watched 7, and afterwards, I was voted most likely to be a serial killer.

Back to lust. One can love someone and not lust after them. One can lust after someone, but not love them.
However, one can also love someone and lust after them. Or neither.

It sure is a crazy world, isn‘t it.

You can only hurt the ones you love.

Bullshit.

People are so fragile you can hurt someone you barely know and never met.

Also, you stick a knife in anyone, anyone at all, and they‘ll feel it. Maybe only for a very short amount of time depending on where you stick it, but they‘ll feel it.

Except time is a joke. It may be a very long time indeed before the pain fades. If ever.

Time heals all wounds.

Again, bullshit. Time doesn’t exist. It can‘t heal anything.

Forgetfulness is mankind’s blessing and curse.

Everything is a circle. Everything exists.

Everything is everything.

And that is the truth.

Liar.

~

As you can see, I often jump around a bit when writing things. You can also see I write a lot of crap as well. Some of it might hint toward truth, but truth is all too often based on our perception of reality, not reality itself.

I would like to point out that the group of people that voted me most likely to be a serial killer didn’t know me at all. I was visiting the college in my senior year of high school, to see if I’d like to go there. The group based this guess on the fact that they were all talking after the movie about which one of them would most likely be a serial killer. I wasn’t talking much. Because I didn’t know them. One of them pointed at me and pointed out that it’s always the quiet ones you need to watch out for, and the rest of them agreed. So, I was voted most likely to be a serial killer. Nothing to be scared of.

midnight musings

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6 thoughts on “midnight musings

  1. Firstly, I do the same thing at work. Glad I’m not the only one. And I was also the “quiet one” everyone feared in school. I wonder who came up with that irritating saying first…Grrrrr

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  2. Ha! I’m glad I’m not the only one either!
    I was lucky, there were enough crazy people in my school that I wasn’t noticed hardly at all. We were also lucky those crazy ones didn’t actually do anything, except call in a fake bomb threat or pull the fire alarm once or twice.

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  3. The best thoughts often appear when we are not trying to think them. Your musings have a logic in their randomness and I think it must be fun being you even if sometimes it hurts.

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